Today it has been two weeks since my mom passed away and 5 years since Dave's grandma Reed passed away. It seems like so much longer than two weeks without my mom and so much less than 5 years without Dave's Grandma. The last time I went two weeks without seeing my mom was in 2005; I saw her almost every single day. I miss them both so much.
The first week after losing mom was so busy it was a blur; we were all on auto pilot and somehow made it through all the funeral planning, funeral, thank you notes, going to the bank, and all the other things that come along with losing someone. But then, people went home, all the flowers from the service wilted and had to be thrown away, there were fewer cards in the mail, and the world around us was back to normal in an instant. We were left with this huge hole in our lives that has always been filled with my mom, trying to figure out how to live this new "normal." And that's when it got REALLY hard. I had a hard weekend. I cried, a lot; so much and so hard that it was hard to breathe. I was backing into our garage and scraped against the side because my mind was somewhere else. We had our family pictures taken and I would think about how excited I was to show mom then realized I couldn't. I took Madi shopping and everything I saw was something my mom would love, or it was a quote about moms. I found some really good deals which she would've appreciated and I wanted to text her and tell her about it but I couldn't. It's these moments that are the hardest by far.
Madi is so much like me so it's easy for me to understand how she's trying to cope. She is the strong, silent type. She's tough and she does what she has to do. She doesn't say a lot but I know her mind is constantly going. When Dave's Grandma was alive, her goal was to stay with us long enough to see Madi make her First Communion. I never imagined it would be my mom worrying about being able to witness it..I'm so thankful she was there.
Grace has the most pure and kind heart I have ever seen. I love that she has the faith to know Grandma is with us all the time. She reminds me when I cry that it's okay because Grandma is always with us. It really amazes me that, at 5 years old, her faith is so unwavering and she doesn't question for one second where Grandma is; she knows she is in Heaven. I am so thankful she had this day with my mom earlier this year, Grandparent's Day in her 4K class last spring.
Wyatt still asks, "Grandma sleeping?" I tell him yes. He knows when we go to the cemetery that we're going to see Grandma and tells her bye-bye when we leave. I know he doesn't understand but I also know he will have memories of Grandma.
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